Last night she saw herself swimming in her prayers. Enveloping herself in words of her own making. Searching in the dark for warmth that is neither felt nor seen, but heard.
Within barely noticeable veins and thin strands of thread that travels up, up, up.

This morning she finds herself drowning in the comfort of her tales singing sorrowful notes of low dull beats that triumphantly echo the silent movements of a wondrous sight beyond what the heart can imagine slowly reaching a hand towards the top of her soul where it hangs still and limp from the very gates that kept it safe. Enclosed.

Labels: Parables

 SubhanAllah, walHamdulilah, wa La illaha ilAllahu, waAllahu Akbar 
Glory be to Allah, All Praise is for Allah, there is No God but Allah and Allah is the Greatest

Never has this dzikr meant so much and felt so close to me until this very moment. 
Glory be to Him for all the glorious moments in this world and its very patrons - some hearts are just bigger than the body holding it, their sincerity more vast than the sky above.
All Praises be to Him for the never ending love He has bestowed upon each soul of His beloved creations, their generosity overflowing the seas up ahead.
Greatness; truly and surely for Him and Him only because verily, nothing happens except for what He wills and verily, I can only see, hear, touch, give and receive what Allah swt has decreed upon and allowed me to. Always.

HasbunAllahu wa ni'mal wakeel
Allah alone is Sufficient for us and He is the best Disposer of affairs (for us)

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That night, she told me how things could have been... different. For me.
And I thought...
Could it be that truly, of all the things I would later be, there was a possibility of me being more than what I see?

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Funny how I can look at the face of a child and understand his emotions. That expression on his face tells so much it is a wonder why his father is looking at the opposite direction; his mother unaware of those thoughts running through that illustrious mind.

"Why are we running after a bus that stops for us? Why are you rushing me? Can we slow down for a while?"

Somehow these are the things that speak to me.
Sometimes they are nothing but my own constructed conversations. Other times they are just shadows that catch up to mine, staying for a moment or two in one dark unison before leaving, each spirit touched by one and the other.

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Someday I will leave this place. Once. Then twice.

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In the end, it goes back to this. Blogging.
Turns out, this space in the virtual vicinity is the best place for me to go to and just sort of.. slip away. There's the frozen block of ice that are thoughts and for some reason now, the best way to melt it down and let it flow into the drains is this blog. Or any blog, specifically.
It's been months and now I find myself an undergraduate pursuing a Bachelor in Fine Arts. Wow, indeed. To think that I'm in this stage where, trust me, I'd never have thought of achieving ever since, well.. ever since.
No, that's not a self-pity, low self-esteem moment. That's just how I've always seen myself to be. Someone who stays in this mediocre, there-but-not-there spot in the world.
But alas, I find myself at this stage, amongst a selected crowd of youngsters who have the higher percentage and upper hand of conquering the world (true fact).
Of course, that being said, it doesn't mean all obstacles, worries, disappointments and/or troubles will end. In fact, all those things listed are just beginning.
Which is why and how you find yourself reading this post after months and months of absence by thee.
(Wow I've really bad attention span it seems. For about an hour or so, I've been roaming around the house, checking out food in the kitchen, cleaning up my room & sorting out the cupboards. Oops!)
So.. I hate to be a spoiler but there goes the initial reason for blogging. Now all I want to do is enjoy the remaining days of school's one-week recess break -which by the way isn't the point of said break because it's meant to be a study break- and by enjoying I mean catch up on all the missed Running Man episodes, Korean dramas, Korean variety shows, eat chips late at night, eat donuts 'til late at night, drink bubble tea often and so on and so forth. Think unhealthy junky.

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I think sometimes, I forget that this space in the web is meant for my writings. Or whatever thought that circulates around this mind of mine and projects itself with a subjective whoosh.
Posts have been lacking (way more than usual) because I feel a little more than just upset over the fact that my camera has rendered itself Useless. All because of some diseased -in terms of technological illness- or corrupted, half-thumb sized memory cards. Thus, with what I hope to be temporarily lost digital pictures from personal journeys to group expeditions, this Web Journal of All Things Amni, becomes deserted.
But not anymore! Or not today, at least.
I spent the weekend over at grandmumsy's because it has been weeks since I last visited her at her home. There was also that initial plan of transcribing as much as I can there too but.. what are plans, again?
The night was a comfortably familiar one as I shared the bed with grandmama. It has been a long, long while since I slept next to her so the night was a dreamless one.

Labels: Parables

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